Just a few funny things I've found while surfing. Enjoy.

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's still mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Dog Dictionary

BATH

This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BICYCLES

Two wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get the maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes; you prance away.

DOG BED:

Any soft clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly-upholstered living room sofa.

DROOL:

Is what you do when your persons have good food and you don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

GARBAGE CAN:

A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do this right, you are rewarded with margerine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

DEAFNESS:

This is a malady which affects dogs when their persons want them to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

LEASH:

A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him or her to go.

SNIFF:

A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear and inhale deply. Repeat several times, until your person makes you stop.

SOFAS:

Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating or drinking, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa in order to wipe off any remaining particles of food or water.

THUNDER:

This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, wild roling of the eyes, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET:

This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Top 10 reasons why my Westie won't use a computer

10.	T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igthjh ;pa3wds (Too hard to type with paws)
9.	"Sit" and "stay" were hard enough; "delete" and "save" are out of the question.
8.	Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
7.	Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
6.	Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway she's browsing Westie Web Rings.
5.	Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
4.	Can't help attacking the screen when she hears, "you've got mail."
3.	Too messy to mark every web site she visits.
2.	Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1.	Can't stick head out of Windows 98.

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